I’m sick of hearing about how great the Southeastern Conference is at football, or if you listen to SEC fans, how great the conference is in general. It akin to how I was sick of hearing how everything was going fine during the early years of the Jeff Bowden era, and how Bobby would fix the problems. I have my set of garnet glasses too, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t put them on until I need them, like after a beat down in the rain at the hand of Wake Forest in 2006.
But I’ve had it with you SEC fans. Maybe I’ve been hanging out at IGottaRant.com too much, with all of those Dawgs, or maybe the SEC arrogance has finally pushed me over the edge. Who knows, but here are
10 Reasons Why I Hate You, SEC:
- First of all, why are you named SEC? Southeastern is one word. Did one of those bobo-fans of yours look at a compass and decide that SE was okay because it was on the compass? Or was it because the Southern Conference was already taken? Or did you not like SC, since that might be short for Southern Cal, which has a superior history to you? (Don’t even bring up ‘Bama… I’ll get to them later).
- You have a set of fans that literally thinks it’s fun to wear merchandise that says “Cocks” on it. We love our cocks… go cocks… cocks do it better… blah blah blah. I’ll bet they wore those “Big Johnson” shirts to game back in the 90’s too. It’s sad that the rest of the teams in you have to apologize for them. They even try to call themselves USC. Guys, there is one USC and they play in the Pac-10. It’s like having a guy try to make up his own nickname, it doesn’t work.
- You don’t travel very often. SEC teams don’t play a lot of road out-of-conference games. Why? Because you’re so great? Hardly. It’s because you don’t have to return games against directional schools (see also, Big Ten Conference).
- You always have too many teams in the Top 25. Seriously, at one point 9 SEC teams were ranked in the Top 25. One of those offered up was Alabama (6-2 at the time). That’s the same Crimson Tide that lost to the 2007 edition of the Florida State Seminoles. Top 25 team? Ha ha ha.
- You spell everything funny. Maybe this is subset of #1, but really. It’s go, not geaux. It’s dog, not dawg.
- Auburn. You should have them pick a nickname already. Tigers, War Eagle, Purple People Eaters. Whatever, pick one and go with it.
- You live in the past. The major example? Alabama. Man, those fans love to talk about when Bear Bryant was coach, and how things used to be. Besides weren’t a couple of those championships like claiming a New York Times championship? I wonder if they’d claim the ScalpEm.com MNC? Now they’ve got a guy like Nick Saban coaching them. Does anyone realize they hired a garden gnome to be their head coach?
- CBS Sports and Verne Lundquist. They call SEC games right, or is it the all University of Florida channel? No knock on the Gators here, but if I was watching LSU / Alabama and had to hear about Tim Tebow every other play I’d want to slap the mouth right off that guy. It could be a 4 OT game not involving the Gators, and everyone has to hear about Tebow going up the middle with a bad shoulder for 2 yards “in other action around the SEC today.”
- General fan arrogance. Admit it SEC, you don’t like it either. You know when you’re having a down year, or when you really only have 1 great team and not 5. But your fans can’t stand to admit that the Pac-10 might be a bit better in a given year, or that the middle of the road teams from any BCS conference would give the SEC middle of the road teams good games and probably split them right down the middle.
- Ugly freaking logos and colors. Purple and Yellow? Makes me think of an Easter Egg. Construction Orange? Makes me think of Bob’s Barricades. Orange and Blue? (Okay, in reality it’s not that bad, especially if UF would go back to those sweet throwback uniforms). The eye of the tiger at midfield? Ugh. Those little smiley Gators? Horrible. Checkerboard painted end zones? Maybe the Vols can’t spell their own name, which given #5, it might be bright to keep that checkerboard.
Bring on the comments, I’m sure there will be plenty to read either way.
1Chili on Nov 9, 2007 at 11:22 am:
Excellent summation. Couldn’t have said it any better myself. Except that whole denigration of purple and safety orange. They’re not bad apart from each other.
2NoleCC on Nov 9, 2007 at 11:31 am:
Thanks Chili. ;-)
3Gurney Halleck on Nov 9, 2007 at 12:19 pm:
How bout the fact that they all have the same cheers. That irritates the piss out of me.
4NoleCC on Nov 9, 2007 at 12:26 pm:
It’s Great To Be… A “insert school name here”
5Jsmith on Nov 9, 2007 at 1:50 pm:
11. The SEC holds an 245-114-10 (.678) all-time advantage.
12. Since 1990, the SEC leads the ACC in head-to-head games with a 65-50-2 (.564) record.
6NoleCC on Nov 9, 2007 at 2:26 pm:
You do realize that I’m not comparing the SEC to the ACC right? I’m just talking about reasons why I hate the SEC.
7Scott on Nov 9, 2007 at 2:34 pm:
You missed the fact that SEC fans will completely reverse their reasoning in order to support themselves. When Stanford beats USC or when FSU beats BC, the SEC fans will say that proves how weak the Pac-10 and ACC are. However, when LSU loses to Kentucky and Auburn drops a game to Mississippi State, then all of a sudden the SEC fans say that proves how deep and talented the conference is. Seems a bit inconsistent to me.
8Jsmith on Nov 9, 2007 at 2:41 pm:
you do realize that is the worst cop out you could possibly given. Why are you afraid to commit to being an ACC fan?
9NoleCC on Nov 9, 2007 at 2:43 pm:
Scott,
Maybe they’re just really Zen over at the SEC? You know, what is up is down and down is up type of stuff.
10NoleCC on Nov 9, 2007 at 2:46 pm:
Cop out? It’s not a cop out at all, my point is that you guys over at The Rant can’t see the difference between me venting about the SEC, and venting about the SEC vs. the ACC. It’s a huge difference.
11Randy on Nov 9, 2007 at 2:53 pm:
All the divisions in college football suck. All their fans are idiots for supporting them. They should all get behind a real sport like curling.
12NoleCC on Nov 9, 2007 at 3:01 pm:
Hello? Is this the dead horse?
Yes.
::thwack thwack thwack::
Don’t mind Randy, he’s a Michigan guy.
13Scott on Nov 9, 2007 at 4:08 pm:
How donimant is the SEC?
So dominant that they are 5-5 against major conferences this year. (insert as much sarcasm as needed)
That record includes losses to unranked FSU, unranked South Florida, and unranked Cal. The losers in those games were Alabama, Auburn, and Tennessee. Good to know that the three teams that collectively hold 2nd place in both the SEC East and West are so good that they can’t beat unranked opponets from other conferences.
14Nolelando on Nov 9, 2007 at 4:16 pm:
NoleCC,
Your post would likely be taken as fightin’ words at some of the places that pass for sports bars around here. Had you ended your summation with, “Oh, yeah. And, while we’re at it, Dale Earnhardt sucked,” you would probably be staring down the business end of a full scale riot.
I’ve got a few thoughts on this, but they will have to wait until later. It’s only 15 more minutes until Yabba Dabba Do time here at cube farm.
15NoleCC on Nov 9, 2007 at 4:21 pm:
Scott,
Excellent points.
Nolelando,
I haven’t laughed that hard at a comment in a while. Dems fightin’ words in a lot of places in the south.
16Erich on Nov 9, 2007 at 8:28 pm:
Wow, this is a really nitpicky list. While I agree, SEC fans can be gratingly arrogant, and they really should schedule better competition, ragging on the name of the conference, the color schemes of the teams, and Louisianans spelling of the word “go” sounds like sour grapes to me.
Also, you Noles might want to take another look at #7. This describes exactly one team in the SEC, but it also describes FSU perfectly. I don’t think I’ve been in a debate with a Nole fan in years where they didn’t mention their run in the 90s in some way. Enjoy mediocrity in the ACC.
17Nolelando on Nov 9, 2007 at 10:03 pm:
Erich,
Hopefully (God, Buddah, Allah, Jehovah, and whoever the hell else might be reading this), we NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER have a pre-game video of Bobby Bowden speaking to the crowd like that “exactly one team in the SEC” has of Bear Bryant. Seriously. If somebody dug up Bear’s corpse tomorrow, half the population of Alabama would be lining up, with kneepads strapped on, to fluff whatever is left of his randic, decomposed love muscle.
I mean, we here at FSU love Bobby Bowden. But, fer chrissakes, we don’t LOVE Bobby Bowden.
(Next part not directed at anyone in particular, but I’ve had few brews so please excuse the crassness)
Me, personally. I don’t give a good god damn about the whole conference supremecy pissing contest. I have better things to do with my spare time than sort brass tacks with SEC homers who half whine, half brag about how any team can lose to any other team on any given Saturday in the SEC because they are so stacked from top to bottom.
You’re in the Southeastern United States. Deal. It’s a matter of simple geography that your conference, along with its respective schools, happens to be located where the greatest football talent in the nation is born and raised. You act like it’s divine providence that your conference is so great. No. Wrong. It’s dumb-ass, southern-fried Bubba Gump who wants to play for the college team he grew up rooting for. And, it’s, furthermore, dumb-ass Bubba Gump actually being able to play for said team because cock nozzles like Steve Spurrier piss and moan to get admission standards lowered at academic powerhouses like the University of South Carolina so a visor tossing bitch can compete with the rest of the “win at any cost” programs in the SEC.
That’s all it is.
The South East is ass backwards and cut throat.
Mystery solved.
18NoleCC on Nov 9, 2007 at 10:07 pm:
Erich,
I give you credit for being the first SEC commenter to understand that I wasn’t comparing the two conferences. But, I ask what I’d be sour grapes about? That implies that I missed out on something with the SEC.
Noleando,
Damn man, I give you an edit button and I get big comments. SWEET! I believe “visor tossing bitch” was my favorite line.
19Year2 on Nov 10, 2007 at 2:05 pm:
1. The SEC was founded in 1932 when 13 schools left the Southern Conference to form a new one. It was abbreviated “SEC” to differentiate it from the Southern Conference (SC) which was still around at the time.
2. No complaints here.
3. Few out of region road games? Yes. Few out of conference road games? No. Florida, Georgia, and South Carolina have annual home-and-home rivalries with ACC schools FSU, Georgia Tech, and Clemson. Kentucky has the same with Louisville in the Big East.
In the past few years, Tennessee has done a home-and-home with Cal and Notre Dame, Vandy has done a home-and-home with Wake Forest and played at Michigan, LSU has done home-and-homes with VT and Arizona, Auburn has done a home-and-home with USC, Alabama has played FSU in Jacksonville, Arkansas has done home-and-homes with USC and Texas, Miss State has played at Oregon and at WVU, and Ole Miss has played at Missouri and at Texas Tech.
4. No complaints here.
5. What can I say? LSU and Georgia fans all have brain damage.
6. Auburn fans, too. Completely unoriginal complaint here, BTW.
7. Only Alabama fans live in the past, and again, unoriginal. Also, doesn’t St. Bobby love Alabama? He said he still hums the Alabama fight song all the time.
8. That’s not an SEC complaint, that’s a Gator Hater’s complaint. Which, given the source, it perfectly reasonable but again, the SEC doesn’t pay Verne, so you’ll have to take it up with CBS since Mike Slive can’t do a thing about it. Your list is now down to 9, not 10.
9. Most SEC fans really and truly don’t know when the conference is having a down year.
10. If you’ve spent time around SEC fans, you’ll know they rag on each other over these very same points. Also, those in glass houses, especially ones named “ScalpEm,” should be wary of throwing this kind of stone.
20Saucy on Nov 10, 2007 at 7:16 pm:
I generally agree with the list there, but I disagree with the thing about the checkerboard painted endzones. I like them. But I’d like to add to the list how Georgia fans use UGA like Uh guh. What’s going on there?
21NoleCC on Nov 10, 2007 at 9:08 pm:
Excellent point about the UGA pronunciation, Saucy.
22USAFCCF on Nov 10, 2007 at 11:59 pm:
People like to hate the SEC and that’s fine,the SEC is the best in the land. I have seen games all over this country in different venues and you cannot beat the SEC for excitement The SEC fans are what fans should be passionate about their schools, is that so bad?
23NoleCC on Nov 11, 2007 at 1:13 pm:
Year2, good comments all around, sorry that they got caught up in the Spam Filter for some reason!
24Canadian on Nov 21, 2007 at 12:00 am:
I hate the way you talk to me. And the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots And the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick — It even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you’re always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh — Even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you’re not around. And the fact that you didn’t call. But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you — Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.~
Kat Stratford Quote from the movie 10 Things I Hate About You
25NoleCC on Nov 21, 2007 at 8:46 am:
What’s that comment aboot?
Good quote, but you can scratch those last couple of lines… I still hate the SEC. ;-)
26THuga on Nov 21, 2007 at 4:01 pm:
If you’re talking about the school, you spell out U-G-A (UGA). If you’re talking about the live canine mascot, it’s pronounced UhGuh (Uga).