Ten Reasons Why I Hate You, SEC
Posted by William Kristoph
I’m sick of hearing about how great the Southeastern Conference is at football, or if you listen to SEC fans, how great the conference is in general. It akin to how I was sick of hearing how everything was going fine during the early years of the Jeff Bowden era, and how Bobby would fix the problems. I have my set of garnet glasses too, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t put them on until I need them, like after a beat down in the rain at the hand of Wake Forest in 2006.
But I’ve had it with you SEC fans. Maybe I’ve been hanging out at IGottaRant.com too much, with all of those Dawgs, or maybe the SEC arrogance has finally pushed me over the edge. Who knows, but here are
10 Reasons Why I Hate You, SEC:
- First of all, why are you named SEC? Southeastern is one word. Did one of those bobo-fans of yours look at a compass and decide that SE was okay because it was on the compass? Or was it because the Southern Conference was already taken? Or did you not like SC, since that might be short for Southern Cal, which has a superior history to you? (Don’t even bring up ‘Bama… I’ll get to them later).
- You have a set of fans that literally thinks it’s fun to wear merchandise that says “Cocks” on it. We love our cocks… go cocks… cocks do it better… blah blah blah. I’ll bet they wore those “Big Johnson” shirts to game back in the 90′s too. It’s sad that the rest of the teams in you have to apologize for them. They even try to call themselves USC. Guys, there is one USC and they play in the Pac-10. It’s like having a guy try to make up his own nickname, it doesn’t work.
- You don’t travel very often. SEC teams don’t play a lot of road out-of-conference games. Why? Because you’re so great? Hardly. It’s because you don’t have to return games against directional schools (see also, Big Ten Conference).
- You always have too many teams in the Top 25. Seriously, at one point 9 SEC teams were ranked in the Top 25. One of those offered up was Alabama (6-2 at the time). That’s the same Crimson Tide that lost to the 2007 edition of the Florida State Seminoles. Top 25 team? Ha ha ha.
- You spell everything funny. Maybe this is subset of #1, but really. It’s go, not geaux. It’s dog, not dawg.
- Auburn. You should have them pick a nickname already. Tigers, War Eagle, Purple People Eaters. Whatever, pick one and go with it.
- You live in the past. The major example? Alabama. Man, those fans love to talk about when Bear Bryant was coach, and how things used to be. Besides weren’t a couple of those championships like claiming a New York Times championship? I wonder if they’d claim the ScalpEm.com MNC? Now they’ve got a guy like Nick Saban coaching them. Does anyone realize they hired a garden gnome to be their head coach?
- CBS Sports and Verne Lundquist. They call SEC games right, or is it the all University of Florida channel? No knock on the Gators here, but if I was watching LSU / Alabama and had to hear about Tim Tebow every other play I’d want to slap the mouth right off that guy. It could be a 4 OT game not involving the Gators, and everyone has to hear about Tebow going up the middle with a bad shoulder for 2 yards “in other action around the SEC today.”
- General fan arrogance. Admit it SEC, you don’t like it either. You know when you’re having a down year, or when you really only have 1 great team and not 5. But your fans can’t stand to admit that the Pac-10 might be a bit better in a given year, or that the middle of the road teams from any BCS conference would give the SEC middle of the road teams good games and probably split them right down the middle.
- Ugly freaking logos and colors. Purple and Yellow? Makes me think of an Easter Egg. Construction Orange? Makes me think of Bob’s Barricades. Orange and Blue? (Okay, in reality it’s not that bad, especially if UF would go back to those sweet throwback uniforms). The eye of the tiger at midfield? Ugh. Those little smiley Gators? Horrible. Checkerboard painted end zones? Maybe the Vols can’t spell their own name, which given #5, it might be bright to keep that checkerboard.
Bring on the comments, I’m sure there will be plenty to read either way.