Posted by NoleCC

By Bill Kristoph

That big, shiny blog known as FireMarkMay.com has invited blogs around the world to answer a few questions. DannyFordIsGod.com picked up the idea and ran with it, so I thought I’d join our good Clemson buddies and participate. Besides, it’s the dead season for college sports and I have to keep serving up fresh content to you my faithful 3 readers.

Your Home Field Advantage

Give the more zealous portion of your fanbase a religion. What’s this cult following? Feel free to give the splitters a derogatory nickname.

Jonestown… or Tallahassee in the fall?

There are always different camps in a fanbase, but there is one particular sect of the FSU fanbase that drives me nuts. Those fans could be called “The People’s Temple” since they’re a giant bunch of Kool-Aid drinkers. Whether it’s the Bobby-knows-all Kool-Aid, or the Xavier Lee-needs-a-chance-again Kool Aid or that grape flavored I-hate-sites-that-aren’t-Warchant.com Kool-Aid, there is a certain set of Seminole fans that never see the world realistically. These are the same guys that think Jimbo Fisher should win an MNC his first season out, you know, since our talent level hasn’t dropped since the late 90s.. There are days when I think Tallahassee should be renamed Jonestown.

Your biggest rival is in town, and College Gameday is coming….to your citaaaaaaay… Create a blatant corporate sellout promotion to appeal to the mass unwashed.

Well, now see this is tough. Who is FSU’s biggest rival? Florida or Miami? Miami or Florida? I’m going to go with Florida, since there are many more opportunities for corporate sellout promotions.

(Stolen from the Ft. Myers Miracle) Billy Donovan Night at Doak: Seminole fans not happy with the game can “opt out” of their tickets and get their money back before 2minutes to go in the 4th quarter.

or

I’d LOVE to see a field goal kicking contest, when it COUNTS! Hell, FSU’s regular kickers aren’t much better. Let’s just call out a name each time FSU makes a kick, that person gets to make the attempt. Maybe we’ll find someone with eligibility? Maybe we’ll make a clutch kick?

Add one local delicacy to your stadium’s concessions. Post-tax pricing is optional.

Someone get over to Dog Et Al and bring me a Coney Style Super Combo. Please? It’s under $7 and gets me a drink, fries and the dog. Drinks alone at Doak are up at the $7 range as it stands now, and with the Jeff Bowden Severance Package coming from the consession monies, I’m sure prices will be going higher. Frankly, I think they should get the little bar code coupons and ask fans if they’d like to donate to the Jeff Bowden payoff fund with each purchase. It’s only a dollar, and it will feed little Jeffery for years to comes. $1 a day can really help!

With an unlimited AD budget, add or subtract one thing to your school’s game day experience that has nothing to do with football.

An intro for the football team that doesn’t continue to suck. With all of the money that Florida State has, can’t they find a decent set of people to come up with a good intro video, the right music and have it all timed properly? And get a speaker system for Doak that isn’t 25 years old, crappy and only has two levels (so low I can’t hear and so high it’s distorted so that I can’t hear it). As a bonus, bring back the Spirit Stick (see below). FSU has something called the Marching Chiefs… hello, somebody, anybody? You can USE THEM FOR PREGAME.

General NCAA questions

Coin a hilariously unrealistic stereotype that you would like to “make stick” for this upcoming season.

Tommy Bowden must make each sentence end in the word “bumfuzzled.” Randy Shannon changes the Miami uniforms to jail house jumpsuit orange (wait a second, I don’t know if that’s unrealistic). Chuck Amato sings the tunes of Barry White at Doak Campbell Stadium Karaoke Night and Urban Meyer Weiner drives his Weiner Mobile to each home game, while he genuinely awaits his NFL chance, only so he can Billy Donovan it.

Redesign your conference or independent schedule with reckless abandon. Be prepared to include compensation for jilted schools and conferences in your explanation.

I agree with the boys over at DFIG. I like the ACC. I’m leaving it alone. We play a lot of the teams that I like and our non-conference schedule is always brutal. Since it’s brutal, let’s get Southern Cal on the schedule every year and Texas. They have the top two sets of cheerleaders in the land, and I’d like to see them up close each season. Especially if you get the USC Song Girls like these girls.

Following up on your new realignment, blow up the BCS and devise a national playoff system, money grabs and missed exams be damned. Using your new fantasy conferences is optional.

This one is EASY. Line up the conference champs in a tournament. In addition, forget Notre Dame. That’s right, screw ‘em. If the Irish want in a playoff scenario, they need to join a conference. Go join the WAC, I don’t care, but join a conference in football and win it. ACC, SEC, Big East, Conference USA, Big Televen, Big XII, WAC, Mountain West, Pac-10, Sun Belt, MAC and 1 wildcard. 12 teams, nobody gets a bye and all games are home for the higher seed until the championship.

Elect one public figure to replace NCAA president Myles Brand. Anyone with proper name recognition is eligible.

Bonnie Bernstein.

Yeah, yeah I know she’s more of an NFL-type, but she knows her football and doesn’t seem to take any BS from the males that surround her. Plus, she’s easy on the eyes. I think everyone is much more agreeable when hotness is part of the equation.

That’s it for now… leave me some comments. What would you do?