Archive for March 2004
By Bill Kristoph
Today we celebrate Independence Day. Oops, sorry, that’s what I get for watching DVDs when I’m supposed to be writing a column. I take this column seriously. Seriously. No really, I do. Can’t you tell by the content? Stop shaking your head. Anyhow on to this week’s three brand SPANKIN’ new items.
Item #1 The male baton twirler in the Marching Chiefs
So yeah, I admit to making fun of him a whole lot at the first game. Then I actually sat down and thought about the situation. He probably experienced some reverse discrimination, and he probably had to be extra good in order to beat out a mediocre girl. That said, more power to him. Hell, I don’t want to be the one with a flaming baton twirling on the back of my neck. My only question. Is that something you put on a resume? If so, what kind of skill does that show an employer?
Item #2 35 year old fans
Ah yes, the great debate on standing vs. sitting. Oh how I miss New York sometimes where people are too busy on the cell phones to watch the game, much less stand up and cheer. I pay for a seat. I like to sit when we’re on offense. I can handle standing up for four quarters if I need or want too. With that said, I know people who have family and friends that can’t. They have the right to enjoy the game too, and it shouldn’t be an argument if someone that likes to stand has a kid or elderly person sitting behind them. Just STFD or go sit somewhere else.
Item #3 The ultimate combo
Up until this year, we had two parents of a baton twirler sit in the great Section 16. I lovingly refer to them as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb. These two never figured out what seats they had, even though they had season tickets in the exact same spot. They brought in a digital camera to film halftime with, and left right after that causing all kinds of problems as they climbed over people and hit them with those plastic chairs. There’s nothing funny about, but I have a column and I get to rant now. ::evil laugh:: mwahahahahahahaahahahhaaa ::cough cough::
Sound off in an email to me at NoleCC@scalpem.com, or hit up the message boards! Until next time.
By Bill Kristoph
I thought long and hard on what to write about this week. My plan was to keep this column light hearted. Nothing funny came to mind though, so this is one of those hard hitting, in depth and serious columns. Three sections of one highly important topic are going to be covered so pay very close attention children!’,'Which item of food is better at Doak?
Item #1 The Hotdog
This is the all-American favorite. There is nothing like getting a steaming hotdog at a game right? At a baseball game, yes, but at a football game, no. I don’t care how good the hotdog, they should stay at summer time baseball games. Football fans are too hardcore for the hotdog, unless of course we consider the chilidog. Let’s just hope they don’t offer those anytime soon, the stands are packed to tightly for the consequences of them.
Item #2 The Burger
If we were talking about a good burger, then maybe this would deserve some attention. I think the kangaroo meat offered up is pretty sad. Try as you might, but drenching that bad boy in the condiments from the squeeze containers will not help! Could we please get something decent in there!?
Item #3 The Sausage And Pepper Grease fest (The winner)
::Homer Simpson voice:: Mmmmmm grease. slurrrrrrp. You’ve got to go try one of these if you haven’t had one yet! It’s the perfect combination of a greasy sausage link, greasy peppers and a grease soaked roll. Man, I’m hungry now. Finally, some football food!
Bonus Cotton Candy
What in the blue hell is that doing at a football game? It’s usually a hot day. the stuff sticks all over the place. egad man no wonder our crowd is soft a lot of the time.
Double Bonus The cups
What happened to the old beverage cups? Those completely round new ones just don’t hold up as well. Do they expect me to go out and buy some real glasses now? Argh!
Sound off in an email to me at NoleCC@scalpem.com, or hit up the message boards! Until next time…
By Bill Kristoph
Welcome to another edition of “The View From Section 16.” I’m a little under the weather as I write this, so if it isn’t as funny as usual, I apologize. (Yes, the column is supposed to be funny. Stop laughing. no really it’s funny. Are you saying it’s not? Oh.)
Item #1 - Alumni band member
Evidently there was one Alumni Band member that thought he was better than everyone else. Did everybody see Mr. Blue Jeans out there in a sea of khakis? Those pants were also kind of close to UNC blue. Not a bright idea considering we were playing them. Besides, blue and garnet is a horrible bastardization of what we should wear to games! You shouldn’t get in unless you’re wearing some garnet!
Item #2 - Fire in the South End Zone
I’ve heard of getting the crowd and band fired up, but this is ridiculous. Prior to the game a kerosene fire broke out in the South End Zone and proceeded to smoke up the place for five minutes. I suppose that’s what happens when you try to cram 800 people into the same end zone and forget to completely put out all the baton fires. Maybe next time we can have some warning and make some smores over in section 16!
Item #3 - Ohio State person on the bus ride
This one, I’m writing as a scene. (I really dislike people that wear another team’s colors to a game other than one of the two that are playing that day.)
(Tal-Tran bus on the way back to the Civic Center after the game. A woman wearing an Ohio State sweatshirt sits down. After much bantering with other Seminole fans, a man asks her about next week’s OSU game.)
OSU Lady: “Well, my husband an I are actually going to be at the game!”
‘Nole Fan #1: “Oh, so does he get to wear his Seminole gear in the horseshoe?”
OSU Lady: “Of course not, I’m not letting him wear that.”
::Lots of laughing from other ‘Nole fans and then finally silence::
Me: “Excuse me? Sir.”
OSU Lady’s Husband: “Yeah?”
Me: “Buddy, you can wear all the ‘Nole gear you want at the Horseshoe.”
OSU Lady’s Husband: “Why do you say that?”
Me: (eyeing the OSU Lady) “Well, we’ve SPANKED both of them plenty of times so neither team should have much to say to you!”
(Laughter from all ‘Nole fans that heard me on the bus)
Send your comments to NoleCC@scalpem.com or hit up the message boards! Until next time.